The last thing on earth I ever wanted was to be a single mom. Widow hadn’t really crossed my mind. Like every marriage Stephen and I had our moments. At the end of the day we always choose to work it out. We said till death. We meant that. When we got married I kept
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Standing
I got a book for Logan for Father’s Day. The last few days have been hard. Like as hard as that Sunday three weeks ago. Things are quieting down. The service is over. I’m having to go around and close things that have his name on it. The parts of this that make it real
Alone
So tonight is our first night alone in the house. Logan passed out nursing before I could give him a bath and put his sleep sack on. I went to put him in his crib and it hit me that I couldn’t do it. Have him across the house from me with no one else
Cheese
The dumb thing that made me cry tonight you ask….cheese. Stephen would always bring me cheese. He knew I consider cheese, crackers and a glass of wine a meal. The week before he was taken from me he brought me home a great wheel of Bri cheese. Tonight I thought I would have cheese and
Rough Night
Someone can’t sleep. Logan started sleeping through the night at two months old. There has really only been a handful of times where Logan would wake at night. And it was always after Stephen got home from work. I would go to get Logan from his bed and by the time I got back in
Jack
I have Jack for one reason and one reason only. I told Stephen I wanted another dog. He of course told me no. We already had two cats and a dog. We didn’t need another pet. And then he spent the day at Justin’s shop and played with this super great puppy…. and that night
On this day four years ago we were getting ready to leave the first part of our honeymoon. We had just spend the week in Maui. It was one of the most amazing weeks of my life. We were headed home via Vegas, to have our reception party in Houston. After which we spent the
Nightmares
There were many different hard parts of today. I woke up shaking from nightmares, I felt so sick to my stomach all day that I could only eat a handful of sunflower seeds all day, today was the last time I will ever see Stephens body, while getting ready for bed I actually though…”I’ll see
Song
Stephen, I’ve had our song in my head non stop for days. On one hand it’s nice. On the other hand its torture. I had bad dreams lastnight and woke up shaking and got sick. People keep saying I’m being strong. I’m not. At least not lastnight and so far today. I’m going to go
Funeral
You would really like the lady at the funeral home. She has been great. She let me see you a day before their scheduled time and made sure you were ok to see so that I could see you on our anniversary last week. She has gone in on her day off to make sure