One of the things I’ve tried really hard to work on the last couple years is balance. Specifically when it comes to living in today but still honoring what was. I will never be one of those people that feels it is ok to erase, or never speak of, the past. My past is a huge part of who I am. And that’s the case with everyone. The life events we have and how we handle them make up who we are as a person.
For me May 22 will always be an important date. It is still one of the best days of my life. And I’m sure that 50yrs from now it still will be. It was an amazing wedding. I loved every last minute of it. And seeing my pictures show up on my memories makes me smile.
Tonight we went out to dinner. It’s something Jonathan and I talked about early on. Honoring the marriages we had and the paths we each have taken. Our paths each took a turn no one saw coming. No one plans on being widowed in their 30s. And those paths we were on did lead to each other. So we made the choice as a couple to still honor these days.
I know there are some who think I shouldn’t write or post about these days. There is always that one person who says “but now you have Jonathan”. And they are right. I do. but Jonathan didn’t erase Stephen or the history of my life. And I’ve made the choice to honor my current husband and my late husband.
If the only thing I ever posted about was my late husband no that wouldn’t be ok. But in truth most of what I post is of my now husband, my kids and food. I do live and love in the here and now. I’ve learned to be present in the moment I’m in. To rebuild my life and myself after grief and having my life fall apart. I’m proud of the steps I’ve made on moving forward. So when days like today come around I’m fine with also honoring them. Because truly it is about balance.