So today I did a thing. It may seem like a simple thing. But it was harder then it looks. See I’m not a fan of taking down pictures. And my fridge was full of them. So many they even overlapped. From dating, to engaged to, married….pregnant and then us as a family with the baby. I haven’t touched it. I didn’t want to. I love those pictures. The most I’ve done is add a family pic with me and Jonathan and the kids (before our baby). But I hadn’t taken down a single pic from the years with my late husband. With Stephen.
Jonathan and his kids have lived here for over a year. Not once had he asked me to change this. Being a widower himself he gets it. He has never and would never ask me to take down a picture of my husband.
But I got this cool showman I wanted to put up on the fridge. And to do that I had to take down the pictures. I can’t say it was easy. It wasn’t. I had to stop and remind myself to breathe several times. There are tears in my eyes. But it was time. I felt it in my heart. The rest of the house is still full of pictures. But I did this one thing. Not because I had to. Not because someone told me to. Not because Jonathan asked me to. But because my heart said that it was time.
I see so many questions every day about when to take certain steps. The answer is easy. When you are ready. When your heart tells you it’s time. It being time doesn’t mean it will not hurt some. It will. But your heart will know when you can take that hurt.
I refuse to rush these moments. And I’m lucky that my now love doesn’t feel the need to try and make me. I would kick anyone out of my life if they insisted I do things before I know I can. But today I did this. On my own. While Jonathan is out of town for work. I was ready. There will always be pictures of Stephen in my house. That isn’t even remotely in question. But it was time to change the fridge. He is still on it. The upper left hand was our sons first Christmas and meeting of Santa. But he no longer needed to be every inch of our fridge. I could give Christmas some space.
Do things as you are ready. And cry if you need to. Take your time if you need to. You will know when it’s right for you. I’m proud of myself for this. It is something that will seem so silly to most of the world. But it was a huge deal to me.
?TWM
#thatwidowedmom #lifeafterloss #movingforward