What This Picture Means To Me

To most this picture is just a sweet picture with a mom and two of her kids. To me it is so much more. It is a picture of something I truly never thought I would have.

For so long I didn’t think I would ever be able to have any children. Then after trying for a couple of years Stephen and I were blessed with Logan.

Logan. It’s hard to say what he means to me. He is so much more then the baby I thought I would never get. He is also the piece of my husband I got to keep. He is the single thing that kept me going when I wanted to end my own life after my husband was killed. He was my reason for getting up in the morning. For even attempting to live and figure out how to move forward in life. He is my reason.

And I was blessed with so much more. I met Jonathan. I opened my heart up and gave myself the chance to love again. With that I also gained to wonderful bonus children. Keeley and Jacob. Jonathans reason to keep going after the loss of his wife.

And two weeks ago I hit Tony. Another baby I thought I would never get to have. With Stephens death I was sure I was done having babies. That Logan wouldn’t get that sibling close to his age that I so badly wanted him to have. I can still feel the breakdown I had when it hit me for the first time that Stephen and I weren’t going to have that second baby we had been talking about. I had lost all hope in expanding my family. But Jonathan and I wanted to try for one more. That one baby we both thought we would never get to have. And now we have him. He is real. And I get to hold him.

This picture shows both of the babies I thought I would never get to have. Each one cuddled in my arms. Happy to be laying down with mama. Logan loving having the little brother I had so badly wanted for him.

Not in this picture is the two older siblings these boys have. Brining the number of blessings Jonathan and I have to four.

I love being a mom. I think that’s clear by now for sure. Watching Logan grow has been the highlight of my life. I am looking forward to watching Tony grow. And seeing how they interact with each other. I’m also loving the baby cuddles.

As a widow I promise to not downplay the importance of what I have been blessed with in life. I promise to see the value of the babies God has given me to take care of. To cherish my family and the time I get to spend with them. I know just how quickly it can all be taken away. And for that I hold on tight. Soaking in every moment I can.


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