I’ll be honest. After Stephen was killed I wasn’t sure I wanted to celebrate holidays ever again. I was in such a dark place. In May Stephen had gotten all of us Halloween costumes. We were going to have a Star Wars theme. I put Logan in his Yoda outfit. But I couldn’t bring myself to wear my outfit. Not without Stephen in his. I’ve never worn it. I have pics of Stephen in his Jedi outfit from May4th. But as he was taken from us in May we never got to do all the outfits together. I cried a lot when seeing Logan in his outfit. Not that he saw me crying. It was more so after he went to bed.
Last year I had met my now fiancé. And for the first time ever in my life I got to be a part of a family costume theme. Something I honestly never thought I would get to do after Stephens death. And it warmed my heart.
Holidays can still be hard. But I am glad I have gotten to a place where they are not as hard as they were that first year.
For those that are new to this journey please know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Yes this journey isn’t easy. And it sucks that the only way to learn to deal with the loss is to let yourself feel it. But once you do learn it will not take center stage in your life anymore.
This year I can be excited about Halloween. I mean I will have just had a baby so I’m not going trick or treating. But we got family outfits so we could all be super hero’s. Logan will be Wolverine, Jacob will be spider man, Jonathan will be captain America, Tony will be iron man and I will be the black widow (if I can given I will just have had major surgery).
I’m glad that I’m starting to find the joy in these things again. There was a while there when I was sure I never would. Being in the mist of a new loss was so past overwhelming. I didn’t know how I was going to live through the next day more or less a year or holidays. And I’m glad that I’m on the other side of those feelings now.
?TWM
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