I asked Logan to please not sit on me. He likes to sit right on my belly. I didn’t want him sitting on my 9 month pregnant belly right now. He said “it’s ok I just lay down on you”. This little man loves his mama cuddles that’s for sure. And I love giving him all the cuddles. It makes me a little sad to know that in less then two weeks I’m going to have to limit my cuddles some. Not because I want to. But because I’m going to have just had major surgery to have his little brother and I’m going to be healing. This little man has been my world for over three years now. It’s going to be interesting to see how the transition goes to adding another little one into the mix. I have the same excitements and fears I’m sure all moms have. Wondering how the transition period will go. Wondering how their first baby will take not being the baby anymore and now being a big sibling. Wondering how I could possibly be as in love with a new baby as I have been with Logan. Knowing full well I can. Understanding how the heart grows in these times. I’ve gained that understand in falling in love with Jonathan and my bonus kids. But a mother’s heart still thinks about it. Wanting to know they will so fully love this new baby as they do their other children. The mixed emotions between worry and excitement, between memories of the past and how my path was forced to change. To accept what can’t be and learn to move forward and be happy and fulfilled in what is now. Finding happiness and love after great loss. And figure out where I belong and who I am now as a person, as a partner, as a mom. So many mixed emotions have gone into this path. Into who I am today. In less then two weeks I will be laying down with a new little baby boy. And I’m sure there will be pics of me laying down with both Tony and Logan. And I’ll take all the baby cuddles.
?TWM
#claylojr #lifeafterloss #thatwidowedmom