I got a book for Logan for Father’s Day. The last few days have been hard. Like as hard as that Sunday three weeks ago. Things are quieting down. The service is over. I’m having to go around and close things that have his name on it. The parts of this that make it real are happening. Most everyone is going about their lives. Sad that a great man is gone. That isn’t where I am. I’m more than sad. I didn’t just loose a great man. I lost my husband. My life partner. Logan has started walking across the couch. And today he even stood holding onto nothing for a few seconds. And those things make me smile so big. And that smile is always followed by a sharp sting. I can’t call Stephen and tell him Logan stood un assisted today. For the rest of my life Logan is going to do things I can’t tell his dad about. I don’t know if that will ever stop breaking my heart. I’m not posting this to get a bunch of people to say sorry. It isn’t about that. It’s because I need to keep his memory alive. I need people to remember why they shouldn’t drink and drive. And really typing out this stuff helps me. I can see the words. I can re read them. It helps me process. It’s going to be a while before I can truly process what has happened. Before I can sleep without waking up to look for my husband. I know some day I will get used to my new normal. But I don’t know that I’ll ever stop posting about Stephen. I miss him. More than I will ever be able to put into words. #claylo #dontdrinkanddrive