I miss you so much babes. Getting up in the middle of the night to pump is hands down the worst part of most days. To the point where some nights I don’t even bother. And has negatively effected my milk. So I’m trying to make myself when I don’t want to. I should be hearing about your day right now. You going over the details of your shift and me telling you anything cool Logan did today. And instead I’m putting milk up and packing Logan’s stuff for tomorrow in silence. A heart breaking silence. Most of the day I can distract myself. I make list of things that need to be done. Or I zone out in front of the tv. I play with Logan it take a nap. I can pretend you are having a long shift if I just push out the idea that you aren’t coming home. But in the middle of the night. It’s just so much harder. I’m going back to bed knowing I will not see you when my eyes open back up. And it is killing me on the inside. I know I’m going to cry myself back to sleep. My heart is still looking for you to just come back home now. Please. Please don’t let this be real. I don’t want to do this every day thing without you. I love and miss you. #claylo