There were many different hard parts of today. I woke up shaking from nightmares, I felt so sick to my stomach all day that I could only eat a handful of sunflower seeds all day, today was the last time I will ever see Stephens body, while getting ready for bed I actually though…”I’ll see babes when I get up to pump later and he is getting home from work” and had to remind myself that that wasn’t true. None of that had me ready for this. Logan has been more fussy the last few days. I think he has figured out that he hasn’t seen his dad in a week. He has become more clingy and not wanting me to put him down. This I knew would happen. But tonight he has been having nightmares. I thought and was hoping it would just be me having the bad dreams. He started crying in his room a bit ago. I thought I would give it a min to see if he fell back to sleep. Then he started screaming. I looked on the camera and saw him rolling around. When I went to pick him up I saw that he wasn’t even awake. He was screaming in his sleep. So now I’m holding him. Trying to give my sleeping angle comfort. I’m not a fan of bed sharing. But that is what we will be doing tonight. I hate that he is also having nightmares. I wish there was a way for him to talk to me. For me to explain. For me to help him know his daddy loves him. That it’s ok to miss his daddy. And that I am still here and will hold him as much as he needs. #claylojr #babybumblebeelong #aslongbabies